One of the signs that you were born to be a writer is that when someone asks you why you like to write, you don’t have an explanation, only a comparison. I write for the same reason I eat, drink, and sleep; I can’t live if I don’t.
But I write what I write because I know what it’s like to be exhausted, tired, aggravated, even enraged. I know what it’s like to have been a part of Christian culture for so long that there are numerous times where I have trouble finding a reason to stay. I know I’m not the only one.
I’m not the only one who is baffled by the way the church has singled out gay people for attack while maintaining, with an actual straight face, that they don’t think homosexuality is any worse than any other sin.
I’m not the only one who is tired of evangelicals refusing to consider that the scientific discoveries of the past couple of hundred years may actually be true because, heaven forbid, they’d actually have to rethink their interpretation of a Bible verse.
I’m not the only one questioning why I should continue to belong to a culture in which both conservative and progressive leaders equate their political beliefs with biblical values, who engage in fights not to love or to change minds but to reinforce the tribal barriers that keep us from fulfilling Jesus’ prayer for our unity, who in spite of their incredible political strength are convinced that they’re the ones being persecuted because a store clerk didn’t say “Merry Christmas” to them.
Despite all of this, I’ve stayed because Jesus is beautiful and I’ve seen what happens when he gives grace to people who are as miserable as I am.
I’ve stayed because when I’m not so busy pointing the finger at other people, I know deep in my heart that I’ve been a nightmare to other people, too, and there’s not much difference between me and the people I like to criticize.
I’ve stayed not because I overcame my doubts with perfect answers but because I’ve started to realize that Love, not answers, is what I was made for and what I should be seeking.
There are plenty of people who think it’s time to leave.
I hope that when I write, I remind them of reasons to stay.